Thursday, December 29, 2005

ثوار الجبل

إياك يا مجرم سوريا ان تقترب من الموحدون الشرفاء
إياك ان تقترب من شرف العروبة
إياك ان تقترب من كرامة الثوار الاحرار
إياك ان تستخف باسيادك الابرار
إياك ان تعيد ما فعله اسلافك الاشرار
في داخلنا بركان خامد لو انفجر لحرق سوريا بمن
فيها ولن تكفينا المنطقة كما تزعم يا مهرخ الشام سنحرق
الكون لان قائدنا ابو تيمور مؤيد من رب الكون
ثوار الجبل

Friday, December 23, 2005

W Air Syria

Salam 3alaykoum...

This is your captain Abou Sayyah Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Syrian Airlines.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery baking Kaak.
This is flight 717 to Sham Airport. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Syria. And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Syria Airlines has an excellent safety-record... In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to MEA Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who
will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
"Thanking you all for choosing Syrian Airlines to fly for the first and last time"

Wish You a nice trip,

Captain Abou Sayyah

Friday, December 16, 2005

Conversation between Fadi & his son.

Fadi: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: I will choose my own bride!
Fadi: But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.
Son: Well, in that case...ok
(Next Fadi approaches Bill Gates)
Fadi: I have a husband for your daughter.
Bill Gates: But my daughter is too young to marry!
Fadi: But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ah, in that case...ok
(Finally Fadi goes to see the president of the World Bank)
Fadi: I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President: But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!
Fadi: But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.
President: Ah, in that case...ok
This is how business is done in Lebanon!!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

A syrian on a train

There was a Lebanese, a Syrian and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the Province Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and Lebanese were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Syrian had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there The Syrian was thinking: 'the Lebanese fellow must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'the Syrian fellow must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Lebanese and got slapped for it And the Lebanese was thinking: 'this is great, the next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Syrian bastard again.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Too Embarrassed

One day a "Jamhour" fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. But little Elie was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in cabarets and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with him for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Elie aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works at the presidential palace in Baabda and helped re-elect Emile Lahoud, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

المستحيلات ال16

إماراتي فقير / سوداني نشيط / مصري ساكت / عماني حلو
مغربي يتكلم عربي / فلسطيني لا نازح ولا لاجئ / يمني صاحي
كويتي متواضع / ايراني اسمو معاوية / سعودي يومين ما آكل كبسة
ليبي عاقل / سوري واقف جنبوه حدا / اردني لطيف
باكستاني نظيف / هندي ما يهز راسو
لبناني ما يتفلسف

Spelling Game

Bashar Assad teaching his children the spelling of ASSASSINATION:
An 'Ass' behind another 'Ass' and behind that ' I '
and behind the two asses and I, a whole 'Nation'

قسم 05

Ikht Hal Zaman

إخت هل زمن إللي صار في ألاير شمعدان
وصاروا المنايك يركبوا فلايك
والاوادم يرجعوا سباحة

Who killed Joubran Touaini?

Joubran Touaini was assassinated today, but this time Syria has nothing to do with it.
We killed him, the fuckin stupid lebanese people killed him, stupid Amal and Hezbollah killed him, our fuckin stupid asshole president who is sitting in his fancy castle on his fancy ass killed him.

How we killed him??
We killed him by, by staying silent and keeping Lahoud in his place.
This time I'm with Syria, because a Chinese man once said: "you will be a donkey if you have a donkey and don't ride it".
So until we come together once again, with no personal goals "mnistehal" all that is happening to us, Lim3attar Joubran, wgairo wgairo tol3it bi rason.

So put Religion for once aside, and lets Fuck Syria. (Orgy)